


Ghost of You

by awoogah123



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Angst, Death, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Memories, Neil Josten's dead, POV Andrew Minyard, andrew's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awoogah123/pseuds/awoogah123
Summary: “I love you,” he breathed. They had been the last words he had said to Neil, and they would always play on his mind. It was true. Themonsterwho had a heart of stone,hadbeen in love. He’d loved Neil. And healwayswould.Infinitely.Neil's passed away and Andrew's trying to cope.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 15
Kudos: 96





	Ghost of You

The nightmare was vivid, worse than they usually were. Andrew was calling out but no one could hear him, no one was there to help him. No one but _him_. Andrew’s voice was growing hoarse the more he called, and after a while, he realised there was nothing that anyone could do for him – he just accepted his fate. And then he jerked awake... That was the furthest his dreams ever went. Usually, he’d wake up before then, with the help of Neil, of course. As he slowly came around from the nightmare, he started to question why Neil _hadn’t_ woken up this time. Then reality dawned on him, and he realised he was _living_ a nightmare.

Neil’s side of the bed was empty, as it had been for the past eighty-one days. It remained untouched – pillows plumped and duvet neatly tucked in, just as it had been that morning they had left for the hospital. Andrew couldn’t quite bring himself to change it; like this it almost looked as if Neil was just late coming to bed. If only.

The clock read 11:32a.m., and he knew he should get up, he just didn’t want to. But the thought of staying in bed _alone_ was enough to get him pushing his side of the covers back and stumbling out of bed. That, and the sound of the cats mewing at the end of the bed as they watched Andrew with wide eyes – Neil’s stupid cats. They still slept in the same spot they used to, when they were cuddled up between Neil’s legs. Except now they had nothing to cuddle up against. Of course, they had Andrew, but they had always preferred Neil, and Andrew was content enough with that.

Andrew grumbled something to the two of them as they followed him into the kitchen, slinking between his legs, trying to trip him up. The rubbish from the ready meal he’d had a couple of days ago was still sat on the kitchen counter; he hadn’t even been able to venture out of his room in the past couple days.

After he had fed the cats, he turned to the coffee machine, making himself a _much_ needed cup of coffee. Absentmindedly, he got down two mugs and began to fill them up. He realised too late and ran a shaky hand over his face – some things were just too hard a habit to break. For example, in the evenings, Andrew would get a glass of water and bring it to the bedroom, like he’d always done for Neil in case he had a nightmare. Still, he set Neil’s mug down on the table and watched it slowly grow cold. 

Andrew was growing pretty restless, he hadn’t been out of the house in a couple of days, and he _really_ needed to get some fresh air. He decided he would go for a run. It was so out of character for him, he almost laughed at the thought of it. _Almost_. He decided he would do it for Neil, just like he did everything else.

A glance outside told him that autumn had finally come, the trees were covered in burnt orange leaves that reminded him too much of a certain striker’s hair, and he had to quickly turn away. It was growing colder outside and he needed to wrap up warm. He remembered all the times Neil had warned him in the past to dress up warm so he wouldn’t catch a chill; the thought of being sick and not having Neil to cuddle up to on the couch was almost unbearable. Andrew headed to the bedroom.

The wardrobe was pretty much untouched at the moment; on days he _did_ change out of his pyjamas, he normally just slipped some sweats on – that way he wouldn’t have to look at Neil’s clothes as they hung up inside, waiting to be worn again. But his jacket was inside the wardrobe, so he’d have to deal with it.

It was pretty easy to avoid looking at Neil’s clothes, after all Neil had always opted for the right side of the wardrobe whilst Andrew took the left, but it was still painful. Every now and then he’d pass one of his _own_ shirts that Neil had borrowed in the past and his heart would ache for him.

Andrew kept his jackets on the far left of the wardrobe, and the light charcoal of his jacket was pretty easy to see in the sea of black. Although, it wasn’t as noticeable as the bright orange sweatshirt that hung beside it. Andrew received out and pulled the sweatshirt down, brow furrowed. Neil had forced Andrew into keeping his sweatshirt from Palmetto, but he didn’t keep it in the wardrobe, his was stuffed in the storage under their bed. This meant only one thing. He turned the sweatshirt over in his hands to see _JOSTEN_ printed in large white print on the back. His mind raced with memories. Memories of _Andrew_ wearing this sweatshirt back when they were in college. Memories of Neil pulling the sweatshirt on whenever they were having a lazy day at home. Memories of Andrew teasing him for it. One memory was particularly prominent in his mind –

Andrew had been sat on the couch, watching some TV when Neil slinked into the living room, clad in said Palmetto sweatshirt and some grey joggers. He dropped onto the couch beside Andrew.

“What are you watching?” Neil had asked, a small smirk playing on his perfect lips. It was more of a tease than anything – he knew full well that Andrew’s eyes had been glued to him from the moment he walked in. Andrew just shrugged. “Looks interesting,” Neil continued, turning to face Andrew.

“A little,” Andrew shrugged. “But not as interesting as it thinks it is.” A wide, obnoxious grin, that Andrew absolutely _hated_ , spread on Neil’s face.

“You think I’m interesting?” Neil asked.

“I think you’re hurting my eyes,” Andrew said, squinting slightly as he glanced down at Neil’s sweatshirt. “That orange has got to be one of the most offensive colours _ever_.”

“I like it,” Neil shrugged, rubbing his hands up and down the sides of the sweatshirt.

“Clearly,” Andrew muttered, eyebrows raised. “You _live_ in it.”

“And it reminds me of home,” Neil said, the intense gaze of his bright blue eyes boring right into Andrew.

“Fox Tower?” Andrew guessed.

“There. Here. Anywhere where you are,” Neil said, leaning close to Andrew. “Andrew, _you_ are my home.” Andrew had breathed a _yes or no?_ , and they had spent the rest of the evening kissing. That was a couple of weeks before Neil had reached the diagnosis.

As Andrew’s memory got dragged back to the present, he looked down at the sweatshirt clutched in his hands. His hazel eyes were glassy with unshed tears and he could barely read the name on the back of the shirt. He would give _anything_ to go back to that evening – to make Neil go to the hospital sooner. It would only be a couple if weeks but maybe that would make the distance. Maybe Andrew could have _saved_ Neil. Or maybe Andrew could just hold him for the whole night. _Maybe_...

Andrew didn’t end up going for a run that morning, instead, he had stayed sitting on his bedroom floor. Back pinned to the foot of his bed as he held Neil’s sweatshirt to his chest and let the silent sobs escape him.

Evenings were always lonely for Andrew; the cats would sit with him and although they were nice company, they didn’t fill the hollow in his chest. In the past, Neil would rope Andrew into watching some old Exy game with him, and Andrew would have moaned – but he didn’t mind, not really. The majority of the time, Andrew didn’t even _watch_ the game, all of his attention was on his boyfriend – how expressive his face grew as he watched the games.

Now, Andrew found himself more and more choosing to watch Exy games. Although, they weren’t just _any_ games, they were specific ones. Ones that he’d watched _so_ many times, that he knew them off by heart. He knew it was sad, but this was some of the only footage he had of Neil; the couple hadn’t exactly been fond of taking pictures or videos of another, so Andrew grasped what he could.

Andrew glanced down to see that yet _another_ cigarette had burnt down to the filter, without him taking a single drag. The smell of smoke reminded Andrew of Neil, of the nights they spent on the roof just a couple of years ago. It made his heart hurt in a way which he wasn’t sure was good or bad. As he lit another cigarette, he knew that it _too_ would go wasted, when he was watching Neil, he didn’t dare pull his eyes away from the screen, in case he missed some small detail, however unlikely that may be.

After Neil had passed away, Nicky had sent Andrew every single picture and video he’d ever taken that Neil happened to feature in. Suddenly, Andrew was thankful for how annoyingly nosey his cousin was. His favourite picture – which was both his phone _and_ laptop background, was a picture Nicky had sneaked of Andrew and Neil outside of Eden’s. It had been a year or two back now, and the couple had snuck away from their group, hoping to find some time alone. They found just that – or so they had thought, until they realised Nicky was watching them from out of the door. In the photograph, they were sat on the floor together, feet hanging off the edge of the curb as they held cigarettes. The moon illuminated them and only brought more attention to the fact that their fingers were interlocked. Neil’s head was resting on Andrew’s shoulder, and Andrew was watching Neil. Neil had been particularly interested in the picture when Nicky risked showing them it, Andrew had openly dismissed it – even if he had sneaked a couple more closer looks at it on Neil’s phone when he had thought no one was looking.

Andrew brought that picture up again, as he always did in the evenings. It was exactly the same as before, but this time, Andrew noticed just how relaxed Neil was. There was no tension in his posture, and he looked as if he was melting into Andrew. Andrew could almost feel the weight of Neil’s shoulder, he wanted nothing more than to reach up and comb his fingers through those auburn curls. But when he brought his hand up, there was nothing. He turned back to the picture, finally taking a long, shaky drag of his cigarette. He took a deep breath,

“I love you,” he breathed. They had been the last words he had said to Neil, and they would always play on his mind. It was true. The _monster_ who had a heart of stone, _had_ been in love. He’d loved Neil. And he _always_ would. _Infinitely_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure about this :/  
> Please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed! :)
> 
> Title is based on Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer


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